Act Daft

Well I know its been quite a while since I put up a blog of whats happening but I thought Laura's 19th was an occasion that just had to be shared with everyone.

Laura did you actually think you were going to get away with your birthday being a simple Saturday night drinking session? how wrong could you be, It was Leanne who thought up the idea of a party (I know you wouldnt believe it Leanne thinking) but we will forgive her this time as even after the morning after there were still a few of us still recovering from the weekends events.

The idea was a nice easy straight forward one, which although you just know isnt going to go to as you planned, you still like having that good feeling you get when you actually have a plan of attack, of course the actual plan and Laura's plan were two very different things. I Picked up Laura on Friday as normal and we decided to have a look down Seaton, so far so good, no problems until on the way down I got a phone call from Leanne asking if we were having a drink, of course we took up the invitation but then Laura instantly got it in her head that if we had a drink on the friday we would be to rough to have a good drink on the Saturday for her birthday and of course she wasnt happy. I tried to tell her that everything would be fine and that we would do both, but would she listen? fucking not likely, so i got the huffy treatment the rest of the journey.

She cheered up once we got there had an hour or so in the arcades and headed home of course making time for a pizza from pizza roma before heading over Leannes for some drink. Now I dont think theres any need to go into some of the conversations that can arrise while we have 3 cousins sitting around having a drink for 2 reasons...

• Some of the parents might see this even though there are some embarrasing pics going up and they would be a entire blog of there own (they are really that disturbing)
• You wouldnt fucking believe me if I told you
  

Anyhow moving on as the drink flowed (rather moderatley in comparison than normal) I think it was Laura who turned the conversation to her birthday and what we were going to be drinking, and who had to go and drop the spoiler yes it was me when I came out with the quote of "I'll wait til the adults are gone before i get smashed, cant be doing with getting the evil eye of me mother or Gail for being drunk" *silence comes over the room* I get one hell of a fucking kick from bobby and if looks could kill i would be 6ft under and I realised i had fucked up completely and gave the game away, what a fucking numpty but to make matters worse, Leanne backed me up by saying "ah they only stopping til 11 or something" and the evil eyes of Robert Edward Thompson darted towards her, im glad he looked at her because i couldnt for laughing and shaking my head occasionally glancing at Laura to see if she had realised what we were talking about, but being a typical woman she had become engrossed in a music video on the TV and seemed completely oblivious to the conversation going on around her.

I knew i was for the high jump when she left to go to the toilet and soon enough the moment came and i got another sharp kick from bobby and of course handling it in a dignified manner as to which you would expect I immediately drew attention to the fact that Leanne had backed me up which took Robert away on another rant, I knew Laura had paid no attention to what had been said I only bring it up in this blog for the simple fact that if i was as sure of winning the lottery that it would of been Robert to give the game away then I would be a very rich. It is well known in the kellafornian circles that Bob cant keep his own shit especially after a drink, If you want everyone in the family to know summit you tell Bob, if you dont then you avoid telling him at all costs, he doesnt have the nickname R.E.S.T for nothing. Needless to say thinking we were safe and had avoided giving the game away we strolled home at 2:30am not a bad night.

Saturday was a strange day because I had the job of keeping Laura entertained and away from things getting organised, I wonder how you managed that I hear you ask, well I shall tell you young blogger reader person, I did what any loving and caring man would do.... I invited her back to bed....getting up only in the late afternoon for a bath (a quick came of COD 6) and to start getting ready, It wasnt to bad a day if im honest, I went down for a bath which was a perfect excuse to go down and help Wendy with the food and then I had to persuade Laura to wear the clothes she bought for her birthday even though by now she had convinced herself that we wernt having a proper drink because of the drink the night before (can you believe i was still getting wrong for that).

Reverting back to the plan of attack I had strict orders from the family that I should take Laura to Tesco at 6:45pm (not 6:44pm no, that would fuck things up beyond repair) pick up the drink and head back for 7:30pm (again not 7:31 or 7:29 otherwise we would destabalize the universe as we know it) everything is going fine until I get a phone call from Leanne saying stall go abit later they hadnt got things sorted of course why didnt I realise i was working on GMT while Leanne is on Leanne mean time which is GMT +20mins (rough estimate as Leanne Mean time changes on a daily basis) I decided to go ahead at 6:45 and just stall Laura while we were at Tesco it would be easier than having to come up with excuses while sitting there ready to go, so off we went, having a look around Tesco thinking time was passing by slowly, I got another phone call from Leanne asking where we were, IN TESCO! you told me to fucking stall, So now we had to get the drink get back everyone was waiting and  I had to make up an excuse as to why Leanne was calling, If that wasnt bad I was now getting the evil eye for hurrying around the shop, and plus they didnt have any WKD in stock, so We had to get out, go get some WKD and get home where we had 15 people sitting in the dark waiting. Crack on so far we have stuck to that plan so well.

Once Laura walked in the door and seen everyone and jumping at the sound of SUPRISE! the smile came on her face and she began to shake abit overcome by it all, I dont think Laura has experienced anything quite like that so was abit taken a back, but im glad she was happy with it, I had visions off her doing a forrest gump and taking off down the street running away from the noisey zoo that is our family. Another highlight this early in the night was hearing next door coming in and hearing them say "fucking hell shes having a drink again" haha come on now its a celebration you miserable bastards.

So the party started, Being nice and sensible we started off with sensible drinks (for the first 30 minutes anyway) a little later and out came the Beer bong and the Jagermister and so it began. If you are unfarmiliar with the beer bong or indeed a drink called the jagerbomb, then I shall explain with a couple of simple formulas...

The Beer Bong - Ingredients may vary (do not try these at home unless you want to have a really amusing time)

• Carling
• Cider
• Bottle of WKD
• Port
• Vodka (alot)
  
• Jagermeister
• Red Bull
• Cactus Jack
• Wine
• Smirnoff Ice
• Fanta Orange

Jager Bomb!

Definition: Take a glass pour in 1/2 to 3/4 of the red bull, have the Jagermeister in a shot glass ready. Drop the Jager still in the shot glass into the glass of red bull, knock it all back!

When you think we started the night off with this kind of shit you soon realise that its not going to get any better, as the night went on the measures were getting abit unbalanced aswell, After the parents had left thank fuck for that theres only so much laughing you can do at Gail and Wendy dancing like the spice girls (I use the term dancing loosley) the real fun started, that is where if you check the photos it got fucking horrendous, I know alot of the family havent seen the full range of photos, We had to do a sort out, but im hoping they dont check here, but even by our standards some of them are really bad lol, Might have something to do with the fact that at 5am We were down to cans only and by 6:30am we had nothing left but mixers, now I dont have a picture of the drink that was drunk but believe me, I wouldnt of thought it was possible to get through what we did.

Come midnight Dave Landed from work, He joined in to some extent, had a few cans a beer bong and took a few pictures of himself with the camera but at 4am he was ready for bed, was he allowed? no he wasnt, Infact Robert made sure he didnt go to bed even if it meant sitting on the bed keeping him awake for 45 minutes until he gave in. I could go on for ever and ever about the events of the night, but I honestly dont think I can sum it up better than the Photos we left at 6:45am on the Sunday morning and as we rolled around home, you just knew that the hangover was going to be immense.

The phone rang at 11am unknown to myself and Laura it was Bobby, asking how we were, so after been called down for dinner which we never ate much off We had a stroll back over to Leannes to see the aftermath....and fucking hell what an aftermath it was, to open Leannes front door just to hear giggling you instantly know that everyone is still pissed, walking through the door straight into the face of the one and only Mr Balloon (A balloon in a hoody) and you know Robert has finally lost his mind to the drink, me being me  decided to pop Mr Balloon within 20 seconds of walking in the room, only to the deafening shouts of Robert saying I was a Balloon Murder I soon realised that this was as close to normality as I would get for the day.

After the amazing reincarnation of Mr Balloon coming back as a balloon would you of guessed it, He was soon dying on the floor once more until only his rubbery forskin was left, not wanting another Jesus like Miracle I was determined not to allow Mr Balloon to return and so popped his brother, sister, mother, father, and long lost cousin Rodriguez. Sitting down in the chair if looks could kill I would of been dead, I had massacred the balloon family and Robert remained to tell everyone this at intervals of 15mins or if someone new walked into the room, He wasnt a happy chappy or bless. In My defence...actually sctratch that I didnt need one as the jury were just sitting rolling around on the couch laughing. After Julie trotted up to see just what state we were in, it suddenly dawned on us all just how much we had drunk, With no drink left only mixers (an achievement in itself considering) and a kitchen looking like someone had bombed it during an earthquake we decided to do a little tidying up, now when I say little what I mean is that we watch Julie pick up some rubbish while Bob still not happy over the death of Mr Balloon decided to try Baileys swimming hat on which made him look somewhere between a smurf and an absolute Knobhead picture is on facebook...come on Im sure you have all being in the state before havent you?

As the afternoon went on we just laughed, giggled and then laughed some more pondering over lifes questions that everyone does...How where we standing at the end of the night?...what the fuck were we thinking with the beer bongs....and of course Just how the fuck did Robert actually get Dave to come back down stairs after we went to bed at 4am? What could possibly give you more of a bad head that a situation such as this, you guessed it, yes the kids coming back from there Dads, Leanne wobbling to the door no joke she looked like something along the lines of Planet of the apes do an arcological dig, she was rough, and when she opened the door Chris wasnt amused that she'd had a good time aww bless, bye bye, close the door on your way out. The only thing about having the kids there when your hungover and running on 3 hours sleep is even when they are quiet a time will come when you have to entertain them or curl up in a ball and die, choosing the latter we got some more balloons and decided to play keepy uppy with 5 balloons with 2 kids 5 adults and a horse all in one living room, we played for well over an hour some crazy game with people jumping all over the place and suprise suprise Bob always ended up on the floor... Is anyone else starting to see a pattern emerging here with you Robert?

Well that kind of sums up Lauras 19th, fucking hell Im not looking forward to her turning 20 if thats the case, I hope you enjoyed it darling and it was worth it but Leanne for fucks sake we cant be doing this for everyones Birthday or I'll not live past 25.